The Top 10 Literary Twitterers To Follow For Insight, Wisdom, Bachelorette Tweets

After an unbearable Bachelorette-less Monday night last week, Jojo and the boys are back in action. Granted, the NBA Finals did their best to rival the Bachelorette in drama, but even #mouthguardgate can’t compete with the likes of Chad, Destroyer of Yams. To celebrate the show’s triumphant return, I wanted to take a moment to celebrate my personal favorite thing about the show—the merciless, hilarious tweeters of Bachelor Nation, especially those from our very own literary community.
The overlap between book Twitter and #TheBachelorette never ceases to amaze, but the fact is that there is something about The Bachelor that draws in super smart, well-read women (and the occasional man—you go Kevin and Connor!) Sociologically, the show is a genuinely fascinating (read: horrifying) depiction of the way our culture views love. It’s a phenomenon, a communal experience, and an opportunity to showcase our best snark. Above all else, it’s effing entertaining. These authors, journalists, and book lovers represent the best of what the literary community has to offer to the Bachelorette conversation, and you can bet I’ll be retweeting the crap out of them tonight over @glommable.
1. Jennifer Weiner @JenniferWeiner
Bio: Novelist, feminist, newlywed. Middle-grade debut, The Littlest Bigfoot, 9/13, HUNGRY HEART: True Stories of Life, Love and Writing 10/11.
Let’s just start at the top. If you are a card-carrying member of Bachelor Nation (in my wallet right next to my Woman Card, duh), your Bachelor night prep goes something like this:
- Acquire rosé.
- Pull up Jennifer Weiner’s feed.
- Refresh.
- Repeat.
Jennifer Weiner is the OG of Bachelor tweets, and she is nothing if not dedicated to her craft. There are too many highlights to name, but here are a few recent faves.
Football player Jordan gets football. Firefighter Grant gets firefighting. Where, I ask, is erection expert Evan’s date? #TheBachelorette
— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) June 8, 2016
Chad, shocked that Jojo never threatened to rip the limbs off her competitors and dump their limbless corpses in the pool. #TheBachelorette
— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) June 8, 2016
2. Anna Banks @ByAnnaBanks
Bio: NYT Bestselling Author of The Syrena Legacy Series and adult romance How To Lose A Bachelor. NEMESIS, a YA Fantasy Romance, out October 4!
Anna Banks is relatively new on the Bachelorette tweeting scene, but these gems were more than enough to get her on my short list. Keep the tweets coming girl!
Communication is so subjective. Make out with someone if you can’t read them right away. #TheBachelorette
— Anna Banks (@ByAnnaBanks) June 8, 2016
Luke, simmering in a hot tub. And JoJo or whatever is there too I guess. #TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/Y3wt1rHIRG
— Anna Banks (@ByAnnaBanks) June 8, 2016
3. Dana Schwartz @DanaSchwartzzz
Bio: @Observer arts and culture writer. See also: @GuyInYourMFA, @DystopianYA. Email me: dschwartz@observer.com
Dana Schwartz is so committed to Bachelor Nation that she recently wrote an Observer piece entitled, “Reasons I, Dana Schwartz, Should Be the Next Bachelorette.” And let me tell you, it was pretty damn compelling (#2: “You’ve definitely never had a kind of mean feminist Bachelorette.” Sold!) Plus Jennifer Weiner tweeted it and God knows the Bachelor producers get text notifications for her Bachelorette tweets, so Dana is well on her way.
Damn Daniel, back at it again with the fascist metaphors #TheBachelorette
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) June 7, 2016
Bernie Bros are like Evan thinking he’s going to win #TheBachelorette
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) June 7, 2016
4. Claire Fallon @ClaireEFallon
Bio: books & culture writer @HuffPostArts powerful device, short battery life. cohost #heretomakefriends: itunes.com/heretomakefriends
As the host of a Bachelor recap podcast, Claire is a certified Bachelor expert—funny, smart, and informed. The best part about Claire Fallon’s Bachelorette tweets this season was the unrestrained realness of her analysis of Chad’s frightening behavior. Thank you Claire for addressing the fact that threatening people’s lives isn’t actually funny….
“hey so, some of the guys are afraid for their lives.”
“send one guy in a security guard jacket?”
“fixed it!” -producers#TheBachelorette— Claire Fallon (@ClaireEFallon) June 7, 2016
“you just said the right thing”
“i’m so glad another man came here to tell me what i should do and be”#TheBachelorette— Claire Fallon (@ClaireEFallon) May 24, 2016
5. Jenny Mollen @jennyandteets
Bio: My book is waiting for you here: http://Jennymollen.com insta: @jennyandteets2 Snap: @jennyandteets
Jenny Mollen is an actress and the New York Times bestselling author of Live Fast Die Hot. But you know her for her Bachelor tweets.
“Confront Evan and try to work it out” – Chris Harrison as he quickly runs to a safe bunker #TheBachelorette
— Jenny Mollen (@jennyandteets) June 7, 2016
“I don’t get it, I don’t start anything w anybody” -chad, as he pulls a bloody knife out of his pocket & licks the blade #TheBachelorette
— Jenny Mollen (@jennyandteets) June 7, 2016
6. Iris Blasi @IrisBlasi
Bio: Marketing Director & Senior Editor at @Pegasus_Books. I like books and the people who read them. || iris@pegasusbooks.us
She also likes The Bachelorette and the people who watch it, and those two things combined make her pretty much my soul sister. Iris was a little bit behind this season, but she’s back with a vengeance and has more than earned her spot on this list with essential tweets like these:
Confirmation of the fact that Luke was a football recruit: He thinks West Point—THE SCHOOL HE ATTENDED—was Ivy League. #TheBachelorette
— Iris Blasi (@IrisBlasi) June 8, 2016
“I think I’m fine.” #TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/nPMIDdZAkP
— Iris Blasi (@IrisBlasi) June 8, 2016
7. Kevin Nguyen @knguyen
Bio: Free agent. Past: @google, @oyster, @grantland33 & @amazonbooks. Everything is embarrassing.
Kevin Nguyen is one of my favorite tweeters in general, so the realization that he watches The Bachelorette was a glorious one.
Chad is the Bachelorette equivalent of Chekhov’s gun
— Kevin Nguyen (@knguyen) June 7, 2016
Congrats The Bachelorette. You found the most embarrassing Asian of all time.
— Kevin Nguyen (@knguyen) May 24, 2016
8. Connor Goldsmith @dreamoforgonon
Bio: And now it’s a whole thing with Jean. Literary Agent at @FuseLiterary.
The only complaint I have about Connor’s Bachelorette tweets is: I WANT MORE. But really, this one was a no-brainer because Connor and I share an affinity for Ali and his spectacularly sensual (and shockingly under-appreciated) eyebrows.
What if instead of trying to woo JoJo
Ali and the marine
Kissedjust an idea #TheBachelorette
— Connor Goldsmith (@dreamoforgonon) May 24, 2016
I appreciate this season of #TheBachelorette opening with a “Ben H.: ultimate fuckboy” montage
— Connor Goldsmith (@dreamoforgonon) May 24, 2016
9. Margaret H. Willison @MrsFridayNext
Bio: Librarian/Social Media Bon Vivant. One of Pop Culture Happy Hour’s 4th chairs, 1/3 of @atvpodcast, & 1/2 of @TwoBossyDames: http://tinyletter.com/twobossydames
Another one of my favorite-in-general tweeters, Margaret does not skimp on the Bachelorette tweets.
“Every Nosebleed a Blessing.” is for sure a thing that #TheBachelorette‘s producers have cross-stitched on a pillow in the green room.
— Margaret H. Willison (@MrsFridayNext) June 8, 2016
“That is not a suggestion, Rachel, that is a command. Find me a BALD EAGLE or find yourself a new goddamn job.” #TheBachelorette
— Margaret H. Willison (@MrsFridayNext) June 8, 2016
10. Kathleen Schmidt @bookgirl96
Bio: Recovering media wrangler. Associate Publisher @ Rodale Books. I know things. Opinions are my own.
She does know things you guys, mainly the perfect thing to say in any Bachelorette situation.
This is cringe-worthy. I’m sorry, sports. You don’t deserve this. #TheBachelorette
— Kathleen Schmidt (@Bookgirl96) May 31, 2016
Chad is the dude you meet at a wedding and have a one night stand with. Before the buffet. #TheBachelorette
— Kathleen Schmidt (@Bookgirl96) May 31, 2016
BONUS: @Glommable! We’ll be live tweeting up a storm tonight so follow along and chat with me so I don’t feel alone.
(Featured photo: ABC)